Wanting Relationship Clarity Isn't Codependent—It's a Boundary
Asking for commitment or relationship definition isn't codependency; it's a healthy boundary that helps you make informed decisions about your own life.
The article challenges the weaponization of the term 'codependent' in dating culture, arguing that wanting to define a relationship is mislabeled as a flaw rather than recognized as self-advocacy. Therapist Abby Medcalf clarifies that true codependency involves losing yourself to gain another's approval, not simply expressing emotional needs. The author reframes asking for mutual commitment as an act of self-respect and personal agency, not a wound requiring healing. Dating culture has distorted clinical terminology into a tool for dismissing reasonable expectations, but this linguistic misappropriation doesn't change what healthy relationship communication actually means.
Therapist Abby Medcalf defines codependency as a loss of self in relationships tied to another's approval—not simply having needs. Dating culture has flattened that clinical precision into a blunt label applied any time a woman expresses a reasonable emotional expectation. When someone tells you that wanting to define the relationship is codependent, ask: what self am I losing? If anything, the opposite is happening. You're asking for enough clarity to make decisions about your own life. Asking for mutual commitment isn't a wound—it's a boundary. And boundaries aren't codependent; they're the opposite. The vocabulary got colonized, but that doesn't change what the original concept actually means.